You are doing great. It doesn’t matter what people say or what they think. Don’t worry about what people think of the decisions you’ve made and what you’ve left behind.
You have your own way of doing things, your own style, passion and charisma. Everything will be fine. You may have doubts at times, then understand that life is a process. As long as you have complete faith in who you are, you are at peace.
Often we just need (and want) someone to tell us this. Just because we need this doesn’t mean we need other people to validate us. Nor does it mean that we doubt ourselves.
But sometimes, acknowledgment and positive reinforcement at the right time is a great emotional boost. It is like a breath of fresh air to our minds.
Think about children. A genuine ‘you’re doing a great job’ is so important for them to hear. A compliment is more than simple positive reinforcement or pure psychological conditioning.
It’s a way of encouraging kids to keep going and trying. It boosts their self-esteem, confidence and sense of security. By the way, did you notice that these words focus on the process, not the results?
Not only children, but also adults need positive reinforcement. Sometimes we just need to feel recognized and supported.
For example, parents need it when it comes to the complex, mundane task of raising their children. We need it when we decide to make a change in our lives. We appreciate it when someone in our social circle tells us that we are making the right decision, a courageous decision…
Different types of personal support we can find every day
Most of us now walk in adult shoes. They fit perfectly and we feel lighter than ever. Though the soles are worn out from the journey, and from the rocks and puddles we didn’t always manage to avoid on our way.
Nevertheless, we still have many experiences to live, and there is one thing that still touches us in so many ways.
We are talking about the support, attention and closeness of our loved ones. Of course we can say that ‘it doesn’t matter to us’ if this support is lacking.
We may think we have reached a point in our personal growth where the negative things people say to us are like stale air in a room with no ventilation. We just open the window, let it out, and we can breathe again.
However, as much as we want to believe that we are immune, we are not. What our parents or siblings say to us can hurt. We care about the comments of our friends and partners.
That’s why hearing a heartfelt “you’re doing great” can be so powerful. It reaffirms that the relationship is strong. Let’s take a closer look at this…
People who help, people who enable and people who hinder
Niall Bolger is a researcher in the Psychology Department at Columbia University. He specializes in research into personal relationships and their impact on psychological well-being.
In one of his articles, he showed that the way people in our closest social circles offer support or help can be divided into three categories:
- People who make possible. We must be clear that he does not support that ‘enable’. An enabler tells us how to do things according to his wishes, beliefs, or values. These can be friends, relatives or partners. Rather than trying to understand our perspectives, desires, and choices, they want to ‘allow’ us to fit into their way of looking at the world.
- People who hinder. Another type of interaction and bond is the person who claims to have our best interests at heart, but at the same time engages in behavior that gets in the way. This kind of person uses expressions like “you’re doing it right, but don’t forget you screwed up before so chances are you’ll do it again” or “trust me, I’m just telling you to break up with me because I love you and appreciate you…’
- People who help. dr. Bolge, who led this study, identified a third type of relationship. He also considers these to be the most important of all. These are people who can not only say just the right thing when we need it most, but also provide ‘invisible support’. In other words, we don’t necessarily need to have these people physically around us to know that we can count on their support, interest, and affection.
You are doing great because…
We know that verbal and emotional reinforcement from loved ones is helpful in many situations. It helps us move forward, keep going.
However, we must not forget to encourage ourselves, validate ourselves, motivate ourselves and also support ourselves emotionally. Only then can we find the energy we need every day.
It may help to think about and internalize the following statements:
- You are doing great because you live in harmony with your true self, your values and your needs. It doesn’t matter if you’re going through tough times. Because that’s the price you pay for staying true to yourself.
- You are doing great because you are doing something new and enriching every day. Every day is a small victory.
- You are doing great because you are leaving harmful things, people and energy behind. You left it behind, because it did not contribute to your balance or joy.
- You are doing great because living is a bold act. You move yourself, you don’t stop. Happiness is a process and you are on the right path, the path you chose.
Let’s put these statements into practice and focus on these kinds of positive thoughts. In the end it costs you nothing and you get a lot in return.