You Always Attract What You Want To Avoid

You always attract what you want to avoid

We waste a lot of time and energy trying to prevent certain things from happening that we don’t want to happen. So why do we always end up with the opposite result? This is a common problem. We may be able to find the solution to this problem if we change our perspective and shift our focus.

There are many situations in our lives that we try to control: work, studies, relationships, friendships, etc. We have an innate need for a certain illusion of control and to feel that everything is fine. To do this, we make an overview of all possible dangers, believing that in this way we will be able to intervene to protect ourselves against the possible consequences of these dangers.

The reality, however, is quite different. The dangers we imagine and even prepare for are just figments of our own imagination that fill us with fear as a result of our anticipation of what might happen. In the end, we get lost in all the possibilities that keep us from appreciating and taking advantage of what we have now.

What should we focus our attention on?

In a sense, our thoughts determine our behavior, our habits and, ultimately, our destiny. That is why it is good to have a clear picture of what we focus our attention on. Unconsciously, we easily cling to our suffering because we keep repeating negative thoughts, especially those that keep coming back.

A good strategy for identifying our thought patterns is to observe these thoughts so that we can somehow find ourselves in the middle of a self-destructive intellectual process. In this way we will understand the issue that keeps spinning in our minds and we might ask ourselves what is the point of thinking about it.

Questioning our own thoughts is essential if we are to be able to adapt them to suit us. It’s also important not to believe everything that goes through your head. This makes room for other perspectives that you simply could not understand before.


The brain doesn’t understand how to avoid

Through language and speech, the brain is prepared to understand certain information. Depending on what our brains understand, we will experience things one way or another. Therefore, it could just be that we communicate with ourselves in a very harmful way, without even realizing it.

Our brains associate thoughts with images and NO/NOT is not part of these images. If you want to test this for yourself, tell yourself ‘I won’t think of a pink elephant’. It is inevitable that you will eventually think of a pink elephant. In psychology, this phenomenon that arises from our mind is known as ‘Ironic process theory’ (Wegner, 1994).

Wegner’s theory tells us that our attempts to control our inner experiences tend to fail because we don’t really understand how they work. Therefore, we end up achieving the opposite result of what we wanted. This is how we generate the opposite of what we were trying to check.

If a particular issue worries us, thinking over and over that you don’t want to think about it will only increase your focus on the situation. The same happens when we send such messages to other people.

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