Why We Get Hurt In Relationships

Why we get hurt in relationships

Relationships are so complicated! Full of fun, fear, hope, pain, nostalgia, hate… they are intense and very nuanced. But we don’t always know how to choose them correctly. In fact, we all know someone or more people who are always hurt in their relationships. Who have to endure one disaster after another.

These disasters befall these people because they are unable to recognize which people deserve their trust. They mistake them for people who don’t deserve their trust. Self-centered people who only serve themselves to give themselves as much as possible.

The relationships that constantly experience ups and downs. Until one day, they wake up a broken toy, destroyed by their own inability to get out of this spiral they’ve somehow put themselves into.

Girl watching her boyfriend walk away from her

Getting hurt in relationships

Experience teaches us. If we ever touch something and then burn our fingers, we won’t touch it in the future. Well, maybe not always – there are a few people who will. Some people feel the need to double check that their feelings are right… and of course they just burn themselves again.

And really, it’s often because of their big heart that they always want to give others a second chance. Until they get hurt, just like they were at the beginning.

However, imagine if you weren’t like that. Imagine if you were someone who, after getting burned once, knows not to try again. Unfortunately, this can also lead to the opposite extreme and cause you to mistrust everything around you. You wear thick, heat-resistant gloves. In the end you walk through life with a shield.

These types of people can interact with others, but always do so with fear and superficiality. The gloves they wear prevent them from feeling the heat that others give off. But the warmth of love is actually good for us.

What happens then? Well, two things can happen. First, we can get used to the gloves that make us want to keep them on forever. In doing so, however, we sacrifice the warmth of love. Second, we may get used to them, but one day feel the need to take them off.

This desire will act very much like a strong emotion. When we try to control it too much or suppress it for too long to keep the energy from affecting us, it becomes like a time bomb. One that will go off when we least expect it.

So someone who is very afraid to take off those protective gloves will eventually do it impulsively. He won’t think about how hot the object he wants to touch is.

How can we make sure we don’t get hurt?

Open up the rest of your senses. Observe how that person treats others. Someone who gossips about others behind their backs will probably end up doing the same to you. Someone who doesn’t consider the feelings of others will not consider yours either. Anyone who is used to lying to protect themselves will also lie to us. Anyone who sees others as resources to use will also use us that way if we allow it.

The point is to learn more about others than what they show about themselves on social media or in the way they talk. It’s about putting together the parts you’ve picked up about them to see how they really fit together.

The main thing is not to settle for the piece they came up with themselves. We should try to paint a picture of them ourselves. Then, based on that, we can determine whether we like this image and whether we want to make it part of our lives. This way we can avoid being hurt unnecessarily.

Man holding a drawing in front of his face

Before we let anyone into our lives, it’s a good idea to get to know their story. To become familiar with at least a significant portion of his life. What challenges has he faced in his life? What challenges has he faced himself? What are his dreams for the future and what is he willing to do to make these dreams come true?

We will burn ourselves on some people

There will always be people we will burn ourselves to, no matter how much faith we have in the goodness of man. Whether it’s because of their situation or their genetics, some people have tremendous destructive power. And unfortunately, some of them are experts at hiding it. They know the story of the frog. The frog that ended up in a pan of cold water and didn’t realize in time that the temperature kept rising and that it was about to be boiled.

Well, a lot of people pretend to be ‘cold water’, and once they’ve won our trust, they let the temperature keep rising. So they almost start to burn us without us realizing it. And when we finally decide to jump away… we have already suffered several burns.

We must therefore be aware that people are constantly changing, just like the world around us. The point is not to get paranoid and constantly suspicious of your relationships. But it’s a good idea to stay vigilant so you can identify the changes, no matter how gradual they are, and don’t let them go unnoticed. 

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