Being snatched from someone you love, be it through abandonment, divorce, or death, causes suffering. It is an experience that can take place at any age and under different circumstances. Sometimes that loss leaves a wound, but without scars. In those situations, pain can become a way of life.
No period of sadness just goes away or is overcome on its own. Of course, time helps, but if you don’t develop a new personal story about what happened, it’s entirely possible that you’ll become attached to a wound without scars.
You might even stop feeling the pain, at least consciously. Nevertheless, pain will continue to haunt your life in various ways.
Grieving involves restructuring your psychological world. It must be able to make way for acceptance of the events that have occurred. It should also bring about a transformation in your way of living and being.
Only if you can reach this level will you experience that metamorphosis. Only then will you achieve the reduction of the pain that torments you and the ability to close the door of that wound that has no scar.
The word “mourn” has two generally accepted meanings. The first refers to the pain and suffering you feel when you lose something you loved. The second is a conflict between two opposing experiences. Both processes are present in mourning.
On the one hand, there is sadness and longing for things that are not there and will never return. On the other hand, there is the fact that you have to confront yourself in the context of this situation. During grief there is necessarily a certain tension between the past and the future. This tension is concentrated in the extreme in the present.
Grieving doesn’t just refer to what happens when you lose a person. You can also experience it when you lose situations or even objects. For example, you suffer if you feel that you have lost your youth or certain ideals. You can also complain about the loss of money or about certain opportunities that you never took advantage of.
That pain and suffering can awaken in each individual in different ways. This depends a lot on the psychological structure of the person. The concrete circumstances in which the loss arose also play a role.
Usually people try to deny this loss and complain about it. As time goes by, some come to accept it. However, others refuse to do so.
Grieving like a wound without scars
Unresolved grief is like a wound that has no scars yet. It is pain that holds the person and it does not go away as time goes by. You can cover it or suppress it, but it is always there, like the curtain of the background of your life.
No grieving process is easy. In many cases, it also does not go away quickly. This pain can be exacerbated by the fact that we live in a culture that demands instant gratification.
How long it lasts depends for a while on the loss and the degree of emotional pain. That is, first there will be sadness, then apathy. It is also likely that your performance at work or school will be affected.
You may even find it difficult to enjoy the company of others. At various points, that suffering will be the only sure thing you certainly have.
Loss is the beginning of a period of mourning. It is something that no one wants to have, otherwise it would not cause suffering. As grief progresses, it becomes a process of losing what you loved again, but this time by our own hand.
That is, through the effect of the restructuring work of our own ideas and feelings that you are engaged in. However, sometimes we refuse to perform this process.
Signs of a wound that doesn’t scar
There is also pain that comes from pain. In general, it tends to last between six months and two years. One of the most painful experiences is losing a child.
It is so strong that there is no word in our language that can express this kind of loss. There are orphans and widows, but there is no term for a mother or a father who loses a child.
A wound that does not heal is really just a grieving process that has not yet come to an end. First of all, there is a refusal to accept what has happened.
Sometimes that denial takes the form of cynicism or disgust. In those cases, people become extremely sensitive to small situations. They may also find it impossible to really connect with themselves. They feel as if they are living a mechanical life.
At other times, suppressing grief can lead to illness. You can develop a more serious mental disorder or even physical illness.
You may even become bitter. In extreme cases, you may engage in self-destructive or irresponsible behavior. Any loss that does not lead to a positive transformation is suspicious and should be treated as such.