The Excuses That Prolong Emotional Dependence

The excuses we make when we suffer from emotional dependence cause us to delay an almost inevitable and necessary conclusion: facing our own personal loneliness.
The Excuses That Prolong Emotional Dependence

Emotionally dependent people believe that they couldn’t possibly be happy without that other person. In addition, there are many excuses that prolong emotional dependence. These make the person feel that he or she cannot live without him or her.

Emotional dependence is created by a very intense and immature attachment to a particular person. That person is usually a partner, who is often put on a pedestal and idealized.

How do emotionally dependent people feel?

The dependents believe this very strongly, which leads to an intense fear of being alone. In addition, they believe that they are dependent on other people and that they cannot do anything on their own. Rather, they even believe that other people should make their decisions for them.

Because of these beliefs , people with emotional dependence see themselves as inherently weak beings. They underestimate their own abilities and feel the need to always lean on other people.

They have an intense need to always be with another person or have a partner. As a result, they are always looking for people to cover up the fear of loneliness. Even if their partners don’t respect them, aren’t faithful, or treat them badly, they never seem to be able to leave, even if they want to.

They know they are suffering and they want their lives to take a different path. However, they are unable to change their attitude or their dependence. If they could, they would be able to heal their wounds.

In this way, a cognitive dissonance is created between what they should be doing for their own good, and what they actually do.

We know what to do to end the relationship, but we just can’t. At that point, we begin to make excuses that only serve to prolong emotional dependence. We try to convince ourselves and stick with the person who is harming us or who has trapped us in a toxic relationship.

Emotional Dependence During Adolescence

What are the excuses that prolong emotional dependence?

There are many harmful thoughts that can arise in people’s minds. They also share some of these thoughts with other people. Here are some of the most common statements or thoughts that can prolong emotional dependence:

He will change

This is a classic excuse. To reject the idea that the person we have isn’t right for us, we tell ourselves that they will definitely change. But why would they even want to change? How can you be so sure that they will change? If they didn’t change during the relationship, why should they now?

Instead of blind ourselves to the reality of the situation, it is better to assume that the person probably not will change. This gives us two options.

The first is to accept the situation as it is, which is not a good option if we are suffering from it. The second option is to end the relationship, even if it means going through a grieving process. We must recognize that people are who they are. Unless they themselves decide to change their behavior or way of life, they will always be the same.

I love him or her too much

We often think that the mere fact that we love another person is reason enough to continue the relationship. We say “everything is possible in love” and the dependent then simply accepts the abuse that the other person is doing to us, be it mental or physical.

It doesn’t matter if someone manipulates us or disrespects us. We think that by enduring this we are showing our love. This is of course not true.

When we’re together, everything’s great

Of course, all couples have their good and bad moments. However, we need to analyze whether those bad moments go far beyond the good times when everything seems to be going perfectly.

If you find that your partner’s disdain, the quarrels, and the toxicity are clouding the positive times, then you need to take a serious look at your life and ask yourself what you really want to do.

What if ending the relationship is a terrible mistake?

This is the perfect excuse for anyone who wants to avoid ending a relationship. It comes very close in many ways to the idea of ​​“they will definitely change”. Our desire to make things work differently makes us cling to the false hope that things will be better in the future.

Our reasoning is that we should never end the relationship because we are going to miss everything that could happen in the future. If we think about this carefully, we will realize that this is just our brain convincing us of something that is never going to happen. All this just to avoid going through a grieving process.

If your partner hasn’t changed by now, if everything always stays the same, if things haven’t changed in all these years and if you’ve tried everything, how could it be a mistake to end the relationship? Surely the biggest mistake is to continue as you are doing now!

Now is not the right time to talk

There is no such thing as the perfect moment, so there is no perfect moment to communicate this to your partner. The important thing is to do it as soon as possible because you already know that it is a problem that will never solve itself.

You have many options to take this step, but it will never be the right time simply because it’s a conversation you really don’t want to have. Their birthday is coming up, their parents just got divorced, Christmas is just around the corner, it’s your birthday… There will always be only bad moments to do it!

However, you should think about whether those excuses are good reasons to put off what you really need to tell them. Or maybe you secretly postpone it, for fear of what their reaction will be?

Man leans his head against the window

The key is self confidence

It is not easy to overcome the excuses that prolong emotional dependence. After all, you are trapped in a “dependent” situation. On the other hand, there are factors that will help you manage this type of relationship. One of the most important is self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem will look in the mirror and not know why on earth anyone would want to be in a relationship with them. Therefore, they will consider themselves lucky that they are even in a relationship. But they pay a high price for it.

On the other hand, these people also have moments of clarity when they are aware that the relationship they are clinging to is really hurting them. It is at this point that the excuses that prolong emotional dependence usually manifest themselves.

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