Suicide is a subject that is hushed up by the media and which society fights every day, even in silence. It is one of the biggest taboo topics. This is partly because of all the feelings we see erupt when a tragedy like this occurs. When someone we love decides to end their life, it is often difficult for us to understand. It doesn’t matter how long we think about it.
The moment our mind processes what has happened, it will fill with millions of questions and doubts. Were there other possible choices that wouldn’t have “allowed for this kind of ending?” Accepting that the person we loved has decided to leave us is really hard for the human mind to understand.
The shock that hits us hard can last for a long time. In this gloomy scene, disbelief appears and it can last a long time. There will also be denial. “He didn’t want to go, something must have happened because he didn’t want to go. No, I don’t believe it. He wouldn’t have left his parents that way.”
Suicide makes us feel guilty that is very compelling
We look for every possible explanation, every explanation except that our loved one has voluntarily decided to commit suicide. We cling to any explanation except that they made that decision consciously. In addition, they have accepted all the consequences that come with it. When we think about these things, we can be overwhelmed with the feeling that we weren’t important enough to them to stay on the other side, the side of life. At that point, anger will set in because we feel betrayed or treated unfairly. We feel guilty because we didn’t do more and weren’t important enough.
You didn’t make the person you loved want to leave. You are not the cause of their desire to go. You are not responsible for their suicide. The people who are left behind need all these words. They should also incorporate those words into their new story of what happened and pronounce them.
Often the feeling of guilt arises from the fact that one has not “seen” those warning signs. Another reason is that we were unable to avoid the loss of our loved one. “How could I not have noticed that? It would have been so easy if I had been there for them. On that day… at that moment.” We put ourselves in a position that is totally untrue. Unfortunately we couldn’t have done anything more. A person who wants to die, because he can no longer handle the torments of life, will find a way whenever he can… Any way.
The people who are left behind experience anger and worry very often
This is the hard truth that you must accept without blaming yourself. You should also do this without holding onto the feeling and belief that you are responsible for their loss. It is inner work that must be encouraged and taken seriously from the very beginning. Because irrational and unrealistic feelings of guilt can make this pain you just experienced longer and more difficult.
Anger towards the deceased is also a human feeling that occurs very often. “How could you leave me here? Didn’t you even think of me for one second before you did?” Our empty spaces are filled with a kind of hatred. Anger over something inexplicable is one of the hardest feelings to manage. We can’t point it at anyone because there’s no one to blame.
When you have had an experience like this, worrying is your greatest inseparable companion. How long did their pain last? Did they have any regrets? Have they waived? And the eternal, discouraging WHY. It is the kind of uncertain issue that cannot be easily resolved. It takes a lot of inner work to be able to process it in a slightly more peaceful way.
The fear of it happening to yet another loved one paralyzes life
Fear will also show itself… the fear that someone else you love will do the same. The terror that guilt causes some of us can be so unbearable. Ultimately, this fear will take over a large part of people’s lives. They try to anticipate every little suffering just because it could lead to another tragedy.
And last but not least, there is… the stigma. Because many families feel the emptiness in their lives. They are ashamed that they were “unable” to prevent this tragedy. This creates a silence, it’s a huge taboo that comes with these kinds of deaths.
These are all natural and completely human feelings that we must analyze and acknowledge. It is natural that we experience all these feelings. But we must make sure that we end all our irrational feelings of guilt and shame. Because they don’t have to be there. That way we can finally stop this silence that eats away at our souls. For our soul needs to talk, express and feel that it is not alone.
We send all our love and support to everyone who, tragically, is more than familiar with suicide.