There are those who always seem to have a knack for making difficult situations easier and making you smile until your side hurts. They do it because they just are. They do it because life has music and rhythm for them and isn’t as complicated as other people make it. On the other hand, there are those who argue about nothing and are blind to everything. They only see walls where others see bridges. They create a storm when all is calm and cause division with their anger. And so the choice between living with humor or living with anger is ours.
Why are human relationships so complex? We must not forget that it is better to avoid those who want to disturb our psychological stability and to spend time only with those who give us joy. But even though this is the best option for a healthy mind, it is not always possible. When we live with others, we must learn to understand their perspectives and above all, survive in any situation, whether we have to live with good people or with evil dragons.
Living with humor
It is often the case that those who argue about everything suffer from depression. And in other cases, those who laugh at everything sometimes hide an aggressive or even self-destructive nature. Every kind of behavior has its extremes and behind everything is a meaning. That’s why we have to understand people, we have to learn how to read and interpret these people from other ‘worlds’ , people who influence us as they move around us.
Are the people who laugh at everything always happy?
Peter McGraw is a psychologist at the University of Colorado, famous for the “humor laboratory” he founded, and studies the influence of humor as a form of therapy and the use of laughter as a “medicine” to improve the quality of life of chronically ill people or cancer patients. . Science supports these initiatives, although it has been shown that the daily lives of these patients are improved not so much through laughter as through their own attitude, optimism and inner strength.
In his theory, Dr. McGraw identified 4 types of humor. It is important to realize that many of the people who make us laugh at everything are not always happy themselves. They don’t always reflect a positive frame of mind. It’s worth diving into these categories to better understand these kinds of dynamics that we often see in our daily lives.
- Aggressive humor: This type of humor is common among people who make us laugh at their ironic and cynical sarcasm, although it is designed to mock others.
- Humor as self-improvement: This kind of humor is one of the healthiest, as it helps us control stress. It is obvious when a person is able to laugh at himself when he looks back on a bad day or a mistake he made. Here we can also see the use of ironic humor when we laugh at how we never get better at a particular activity or task. It is also very helpful in taking away tension at any time.
- Self-harming humor : This is the other side of the humor mentioned above. It is a form of self-harm because we use humor against ourselves in a destructive way. This kind of humor is often used by people who have low self-esteem, due to the onset of depression or when someone is trying to place themselves in a victim role in order to attract the attention of those around them.
- Affiliative Humor : Here we have the most useful and wonderful form of humor. It is the humor that comes from someone who makes us laugh to bring us closer together, build understanding and bring happiness and well-being.
With all this in mind, it becomes clear that when we say that someone has a ‘good sense of humor’, we also need to know what kind of humor they use and how that humor affects those around them. For example, we have all experienced the feeling that someone made us laugh, only to feel uncomfortable after realizing that the humor had an evil undertone.
Those who argue about everything… do they like to make our lives difficult?
Tal Ben-Shahar, professor of Positive Psychology at Harvard, is known as the “happiness guru.” His numerous publications on emotions and moods are always an interesting reference when it comes to better understanding certain patterns of behavior, such as what is behind the people who argue about everything and who seem to enjoy causing trouble for themselves and others.
The answer is simple: unhappiness. This is something no one deserves to experience, but behind it all is a whole kaleidoscope of poorly managed and poorly resolved situations. For example: inability to deal with frustration, poor problem solving strategies, unrealistic expectations, tunnel vision, lack of reflective thinking, low self-esteem, low emotional intelligence…
We can all go through these kinds of problems – difficult moments where different things can create a weakness in us that makes us see problems everywhere. This erodes our positivity and can turn any normal conversation into an argument. We can all fall into the deep hole of discouragement and dissatisfaction, it is quite normal and understandable.
However, it is essential that we emerge from these poisonous waters and find ourselves again. For that we need willpower and self-control. Stop seeing yourself as a victim, it’s just a matter of picking up the broken pieces and mending each piece with the glue of self-esteem and the varnish of motivation. In this way we will also understand that not everyone who smiles is happy and not everyone who argues about everything is a lost cause. We can heal ourselves, we can all find balance and happiness.