Jealousy Points To Secret Admirers

Jealousy points to secret admirers

Every day we encounter situations in which we cannot resist comparing ourselves to others. A brother who seems to get more affection from our parents. A colleague who earns more money than we do. A neighbor who has a better car than us. Comparisons become painful when we feel that we are drawing the short straw.

Richard H. Smith, professor of psychology at the University of Kentucky, states that “jealousy is corrosive and ugly; it can ruin your life. If you are someone who is jealous, it will be very difficult for you to appreciate the good things in life because you will worry too much about what people think about you. ”

Investigating jealousy

Researchers have sought to understand the neural and evolutionary pathways of jealousy, as well as the reason why it can ultimately feel like a physical illness. The pleasure that a person can experience when the object of jealousy collapses was also examined.

Last year, the results of two studies conducted by Nicole E. Henniger and Christine R. Harris were published in the psychology journal Basic and Applied Social Psychology . Nearly 900 people between the ages of eighteen and eighty took part in the survey, which asked them whether they had ever felt jealousy toward someone and whether they still experience this jealousy today.


About 80% of those under the age of thirty said they had experienced jealousy in the past year, compared to 59% among those over the age of fifty. Another conclusion drawn from the study was that jealousy does not depend on gender, as men and women are equally jealous when faced with other people’s success.

When the person compared himself to someone he envied, the brain regions involved in registering physical pain were activated. In the subjects studied, who were given the chance to imagine that the object of their jealousy was being ruined, the reward circuits in the brain were activated.

To envy or admire?

Sometimes we talk about healthy jealousy or admiration, and if indeed we are able to positively direct our desire, then jealousy can be an incentive for improvement as it can show us a goal to pursue. We can envy the skills of other people and this can lead us to become better people ourselves.

But when jealousy turns into a negative desire for the other person, it turns into a source of frustration and insecurity and will cause us to see a distorted reality that will prevent us from making changes to be better people. turn into.

Mother and child

We can turn jealousy into admiration when we look at the other person with our heart and emotional intelligence, when we are happy for him that he is making progress, that he has certain skills or abilities, and that he is successful. Admiring means that our mind is struck by the impression of something excellent, that we see the best in another, and this will motivate us to set goals and achieve them.

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