I declare myself the protagonist of my own story, of my own life, I am not what others impose on me. I declare myself responsible for what I do and say, not what others understand. My virtues define who I am. I love myself as a whole, with no cracks, with every imperfect curve, with all the chaos I enjoy, with every mistake and every shadow I make from time to time to heal my scars…
Self-acceptance is a complex and labyrinthine task. It’s often at the top of the list we write in invisible ink—our list of things to do—as someone who writes down their New Year’s resolutions. So, and almost without realizing it, one day we look in the mirror and feel a sudden and inexplicable pinprick. Are we really the person we see in the reflection? How can mirrors show us such a clear, immaculate and perfect picture of ourselves when we feel so “broken”?
Something particularly striking that usually occurs in people who have not worked on their self-acceptance is that they often hold others responsible for their grief. These are people who have not integrated all those personal and affective dimensions that define a person. They almost automatically blame others for their unhappiness and discomfort, often tired in a sad, defeated attitude.
For example, if I can’t find a good partner, I assume it’s because no one believes in solid relationships anymore. If I don’t pass an exam, it’s because the teacher doesn’t like me. If I don’t have close friends, it’s because people are false and ungrateful. If I’m wrong about something, it’s because someone misinterpreted it to me. If I feel insecure, it’s because of my family…
People with such attitudes spread the origin of their frustrations among everyone around them. Therefore, few things are healthier, more liberating, and more therapeutic than taking control and declaring yourself the protagonist of your own story. Declare yourself responsible for who you are and what you do.
Rely on Personal Responsibility to Achieve Happiness
Declaring yourself responsible for who you are, what you do and what you think is a process. Above all, personal responsibility means not blaming others for your own bad luck. It also means that you can discover different ways to achieve balance and your own well-being, despite all the negativity that surrounds you.
At this point, you’re probably wondering if this means you can be happy no matter the circumstances. What happens if I find out I have a serious illness? What happens if my relationship gets stormy and unstable?
Well, the answer to these questions is simple in itself. Being responsible for yourself is understanding that there are things we have no control over. A physical illness is a good example of this. In this case, the difference is not only knowing how to accept this reality, but also your attitude towards it.
The person who sees himself as the protagonist of his own life and not as a supporting actor understands that to be happy you have to make decisions. So all obstacles that come in his way, lower his self-esteem or distract him, are left behind. It is better to put these things behind you and remember what you said in that courageous moment. When you decide, “I came into this world to be happy, I shouldn’t waste time on the things that take away my joy.”
Learn to be responsible for yourself, declare yourself free
William Ury, a noted anthropologist, has built a remarkable reputation as a mediator and promoter of personal growth through books such as Getting to Yes. According to this author, the responsibility for ourselves lies in two basic areas. First, we need to know how to take care of ourselves. We must be able to see the relationship between our actions and their consequences. Second, we must learn to live up to the obligations we have to others and ourselves.
dr. Ury also suggests that in order to achieve this magical balance, we must give ourselves a ‘yes’. To validate ourselves as human beings. We see ourselves as capable beings, beautiful people worthy of achieving what they set out to do. He therefore invites us to take the following steps:
The Four Steps to Personal Responsibility
- Put yourself in your own shoes. It is quite possible that throughout our lives we have focused only on others, on meeting the needs of others. It’s time to listen to ourselves. Authentically aligning with our emotions and values, making clear what we want and what we don’t want.
- Sign a contract with yourself. If you have not already done so, it is recommended that you do so as soon as possible. It is nothing more and nothing less than reminding yourself every day and every moment that you have an obligation to meet your needs no matter what others do.
- Learn to go with the flow. Being responsible for yourself also means learning to trust, both in your own abilities and in destiny. Suppose things come and go. Stop clinging to the impossible. Grow yourself.
- Finally, remember that your daily life is not a competition. There is no law that tells us that there are people who will always win and others who will always lose. Life is celebrating life. It is giving and receiving. It is living together in harmony. Taking responsibility for ourselves for all our successes and mistakes, without blaming our frustrations on who is around.
Now let’s put these simple tips into practice. Let’s be the real protagonists of our existence.