Loving yourself is essential. Not only to maintain a healthy self-confidence, but also to enjoy quality relationships with other people. However, not loving yourself makes it difficult for you to connect with other people. And it will also increase the risk of depression.
You can learn to spot the signs that you don’t love yourself as much as you should. Doing this can help improve the way you connect with yourself (inner dialogue) and with others.
Describing these signs can also help you navigate your way out of sadness or disappointment. It can even help you jump into action when you’re in a bad mood.
Not loving yourself makes you wonder what other people say about you or do for you
This is one of the indicators of low self-esteem, which is often an underlying factor behind these negative thoughts about yourself. It means questioning other people’s feelings, words, and actions toward you. You don’t really believe what everyone else does, says, or feels about you.
No doubt we all like to feel loved and understood. But people with low self-esteem tend to place too much value on what others say and do. They constantly doubt it.
They think that no one likes them or appreciates them. They take criticism very personally. But the worst part is that they think there is always a hidden reason when someone expresses their appreciation.
That makes sense. Because behind this idea is a very coherent unconscious thought. How can another person love me more than I love myself?
How can anyone respect me more than I respect myself? How can anyone be kinder to me than I am to myself?
You always react defensively
Always reacting defensively is another clear sign that you don’t love yourself enough. Insecurity and a lack of self-confidence make you constantly alert for no reason.
And it doesn’t just increase your stress level. It also stops you from being objective about the things that happen around you.
This way of reacting so defensively prevents you from clearly understanding what people are saying to you or asking of you. And it makes you insecure about what other people think.
It also creates a state of fear and sadness that prevents you from enjoying things. When you are defensive, your attitude towards others can easily become rude, obnoxious or tense, even violent.
When you always react defensively, that also means that you act on the basis of worst-case scenarios. Consequently, your response may be exaggerated and even inappropriate.
Often a conflict ensues that ultimately really makes your worst fears come true, thus confirming your position.
You try to avoid conflict by pretending everything is okay
But something else can happen. You want to avoid conflict, so act like everything’s okay. Instead of fighting for honesty or standing up for yourself, you choose to give up to avoid trouble.
The problem is that your lack of self-confidence or self-love doesn’t give you the strength to defend yourself. On the other hand, it is easy to argue about something trivial or about something that is not really important to you.
You are afraid that other people will get angry or put you aside for defending your opinion. As a result, you either accept what they say or agree with them so that they are satisfied.
So what happens during that process? You feel even more that your opinion is of no importance. That nobody cares what you want.
You compare yourself to others, even though there is nothing to compare
The habit of comparing yourself to others is another clear sign that you don’t love yourself. Actually comparing ourselves to other people is not automatically negative.
The problem is that people who don’t like themselves go too far in the equation. This is especially true in terms of their appearance.
A person who does not love himself will begin to compare even where there is nothing to compare. And then wallows in the result of the comparison.
As a result, not only does his self-esteem drop, but he also develops feelings of envy or fear of being abandoned. Sometimes even the feeling that he is the victim of injustice. The effect of all these things is that it only undermines his self-love even more.
You see your achievements only as a happy coincidence. Love yourself and what you have achieved!
It is true that much of what we achieve can have to do with a little luck. But not everything is a matter of luck. You have to know how to take advantage of opportunities so that you can turn that bit of luck into something.
Not loving yourself, however, makes you unable to see the value of what you have accomplished. That is precisely why you do not value your abilities or your efforts.
Then of course you don’t see that other people can appreciate them. You don’t understand their encouragement or their praise. That attitude of attributing your achievements to luck will make you feel incompetent and unmotivated in a way—with no direction.