Facing Infertility

Facing infertility isn’t the end of the world and it doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship. Fatherhood and motherhood are mainly symbolic and do not necessarily refer to biological functions. There are many other alternatives.
Facing Infertility

People facing infertility can get frustrated. It is a real source of pain for those who dream of becoming parents.

The inability to fulfill that natural desire can even erode their self-esteem. However, there are many ways to deal with it, such as with all the problems that a person may experience.

Infertility is an increasingly common problem. Estimates indicate that one in six couples is currently facing this reality.

Usually, the news that one or both partners are not fertile comes as a surprise. Almost everyone assumes they have the ability to reproduce until a test indicates otherwise. This is why it is not easy to absorb at first. However, there are ways to make this process less overwhelming.

Couple facing infertility

General advice on coping with infertility

As with so many issues, infertility is subject to public opinion. Everyone knows someone who couldn’t have children but could still get pregnant after treatment. Couples who have received an infertility diagnosis sometimes find themselves on paths unsupported by science.

One of the most widespread myths is that the fear of having a baby is exactly what keeps people from getting pregnant. This is a form of victim blaming that adds an extra burden in the form of guilt, which is absolutely unnecessary.

While it is true that stress can affect fertility, instances where it could be the determinant are rare and do not count significantly in the statistics. You can only accept it if the doctor gives such a statement.

The problem of a couple

One of the most immediate consequences of an infertility diagnosis is the onset of inequality within a relationship. Usually, only one of the partners is infertile. However, it affects both partners and is a kind of litmus test for the stability of their relationship.

Often the person with the fertility problem feels guilty and responsible. The other person is faced with the main dilemma of whether they should find another partner if they want to have children. However, if they want to stay with their partner, they have to give up that option.

It’s not easy for either of them. However, it is not good to try to solve the problem only on an individual level.

Obviously, both need to build their own story, but the most appropriate is that they discuss the subject openly and honestly. Otherwise it will lead to misunderstandings and these will in turn lead to conflict where there should not be.

It is important to set aside time and space to discuss this with each other. However, it is not recommended to think and talk about it all the time. It might even be a good idea to start a few small projects together. The purpose of this is to keep the communication channels open and it enables you to achieve common goals.

It is important that the couple consider the alternatives

Alternatives to deal with infertility

When a person is diagnosed as infertile, it is usually because the doctor has already exhausted all options for assisted reproduction.

This means that both partners are probably already showing signs of emotional exhaustion when they deal with this news. However, they are also a bit better prepared for it, although it doesn’t downplay the problem.

There is no immediate solution and the subject deserves a series of reflections requiring rest and time. It’s one thing to think about that possibility and another to have it confirmed. It is best not to force the other person to take the next step.

Read more about the alternatives out there, both about having a child with the DNA of one of the two relationship partners and about adoption. Of course, there is always the option to end the relationship. So if there is too much tension, conflict, or fear, try couples therapy as well.

Finally, being a father or mother goes beyond sharing DNA. The miraculous and magical thing about having a child is not only what happens in the woman’s body, but also the fantastic transformations that take place in your mind and in your heart. 

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