Exaggerated Kindness: Another Way You Sabotage Yourself

Exaggerated Kindness: Another Way You Sabotage Yourself

In life we ​​meet all kinds of people. Some encourage us with their kindness and support to move on. Others, on the other hand, make it more difficult for us. Each of us chooses who to keep close and who to push away to avoid setbacks. Is there such a thing as excessive kindness?

You’ve probably asked yourself why some people are always willing to help. You may also have asked yourself what motivates them to do this, even when you don’t ask for help. Characteristic of these people is their friendliness. They are always ready to lend a hand.

We might think that kindness is always good. After all, it helps us to feel great and useful. As with everything else, over-kindness is something to avoid. After all, it becomes a poisonous form of kindness. It’s a way we ignore our own needs to help others.

Sometimes we are so kind to others that we forget ourselves. We then let everyone else walk all over us. We believe in always being kind. The result, however, is that we begin to make ourselves invisible.

Exaggerated kindness is a way to make yourself invisible

Sometimes we care so much about other people that we no longer think about ourselves. Consider a typical situation. A mother does everything for the well-being of her children. She worries about them so much that she forgets about her own needs.

We are not saying here that doing things for other people is wrong. However, if you only focus on this, it’s actually bad for you. You will find yourself wanting to please everyone else. You do it because they ask for your help or because you think they need your help. So you are committed to helping them feel better at all costs.

Make yourself invisible

You may find this hard to believe. However, over-kindness can be weird and off-putting. That’s because you’re not letting the other person do what they want. After all, you are always there to help them. You can focus so much on what they need that you end up ignoring what  you  need.

In this way you contribute through your own actions to making yourself invisible. Always worrying about others is a way of putting yourself last. You make yourself small.

When your kindness makes it hard to say no to others

You may also place too much value on kindness. You then believe that you must be kind. As a result, you don’t set boundaries. You will eventually say yes to every little question. And of course you are willing to do anything just to be a good person.

What’s wrong with this? If you’re doing things that don’t pose a problem to you, then of course there’s nothing wrong. However, imagine that you have to go through an unpleasant situation just because you want to be kind. Are you willing to feel bad just to be kind?

We often fall into this trap. We then think that we have to accept everything that others ask us to do. We also believe that we need to please others in order for them to like us. However, what about ourselves? Extremes contain nothing good. You can show kindness and still set your own limits at the same time.

The Disadvantages of Excessive Kindness

Toxic kindness comes with many hurdles. Just consider the following disadvantages of being too friendly. It will help you not to neglect yourself in favor of others:

  • Insecurity
  • Low self esteem
  • Less self-awareness
  • Less authentic relationships
  • feeling guilty
  • More dependent relationships
  • Rise in anxiety
  • The need for approval
The Disadvantages of Excessive Kindness

These are just some of the downsides of a toxic kindness. It’s a vicious circle where we neglect ourselves. We feel that we are not valuable.

We also establish relationships in which we always expect the other person to need something. When that other person isn’t there, we don’t know what to do. Being alone with ourselves starts to get difficult.

Strategies That Help You Avoid Over-Kindness

Exaggerated kindness can become a part of ourselves. Still, we can do things and start being kind in a healthier way. By changing this aspect we will value ourselves as we deserve. We will also have more sincere relationships.

  • Set boundaries. Let people know what your limits are. Tell them what things you don’t like, what you aren’t willing to do, what makes you feel bad and so on. By doing this they will know what they can and cannot ask you.
  • Try not to feel guilty. Sometimes you have to say no. Then stop feeling guilty for not doing someone a favor or for not always being there for them. Besides, you don’t have to do that. It also doesn’t mean you aren’t friendly.
  • Make a list of your priorities. You can be there for others without neglecting yourself. Plan your priorities and decide what comes first. By doing this you will know how much time you have left for others.
  • Be more self-aware. Get to know yourself and discover what you want. This makes it easier to set boundaries. You will understand your feelings and thoughts. You will also see why you have such a hard time putting yourself first in a better way.


As you can see, it all has to do with paying a little more attention to yourself. It won’t be difficult. After all, if you show kindness to others, you can do it for yourself. Remember that kindness is important but only in the right amount.

The price of excessive kindness to others is that you leave yourself behind. Being kind in the right way means trusting and valuing yourself.

You should also remember the following. While your intentions are good, some people may take advantage of your excessive kindness. They know they will get what they want from you. After all, you never say no to them.

Concentrate on yourself. Know your priorities. Establish some boundaries. You have the power to decide what’s best for you! 

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Back to top button